Louisville Bride

FAL-WIN 2014

Louisville Bride magazine is Louisville, Kentucky's premier bridal publication, featuring photos of wedding gowns and listings for Louisville reception halls, caterers, wedding planners, photographers, and other wedding service providers.

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4 0 Fa l l | W i n t e r B R I DE { WISDOM FROM z WARRIOR } Heely is a licensed marriage family therapist in the state of Kentucky and a graduate of Northwestern University's Family Institute. She is also the owner and lead coordinator of Weekend Wedding Warrior LLC, a wedding-day coordination company in Louisville. Maggie Heely DEAR MAGGIE, My fancé keeps telling me that prenuptial agreements are essential, but it seems like a way to work less at a marriage. We have every intention of staying together for the rest of our lives — do I really need to sign a contract? Sincerely, Prenuptial Dilemma DEAR PRENUPTIAL DILEMMA, I completely understand and respect that you have every intention of staying together for the rest of your lives. When all couples get married they are con- vinced they will not divorce; otherwise they would not be getting married. How- ever, 41 percent of frst marriages end in divorce (60 percent of second mar- riages). I do not want to discourage you but rather just shine some light on the reality of divorce. I think of a prenup- tial agreement like insurance. No one plans to break their leg or have a tree fall on their house, but you still always have health and home insurance! It is important for you to fnd an agreement that you are both comfortable with and that protects both of you. Ultimately, this is a great way to practice empathy and communication with your partner. DEAR MAGGIE, A friend keeps telling me to go to premarital counseling, but I'm not sure I need it. My fancé and I understand and respect each other. In what circumstance would we need to spend money and time on counseling? Sincerely, To Counsel or Not To Counsel DEAR TO COUNSEL OR NOT TO COUNSEL, As a licensed therapist, I am biased, but I believe that everyone can beneft from premarital counseling. The most work can be done with a couple not currently in distress. They are open and empa- thetic, unlike couples in distress or crisis. Going to counseling before you are mar- ried is a great time to discuss things like merging fnances, children, religion and overall expectations. It helps to set you up for success so that there are fewer surprises once you are married. Couples who are living together before marriage can also beneft by discussing what they expect to be diferent (if anything) once they are married. DEAR MAGGIE, I read that many couples are opting to not have a wedding party. What benefts or drawbacks are there to this? My fancé really wants a wedding party of at least four people on each side, but I'm not so sure that I want any. Sincerely, No Attendants Needed? DEAR NO ATTENDANTS NEEDED?, It is true that around the country, couples are choosing to no longer have a wedding party. I have not yet seen this as a big trend in Louisville, but like most trends it's on it's way here! I personally think it's great. Wedding parties can often distract from the wedding and the couple. The more people you involve, the more opinions and needs there are to meet. Let's face it — when you are asking someone to pick their best friends and then rank them in order of importance (ceremony processional), it can get a little catty. Your wedding should be about you and your fancé. Invite your friends to enjoy your wedding as guests. Though they probably won't admit it, you are doing your friends a favor by not asking them to be in your wedding. I hardly ever hear people extremely excited to be in a wedding party. I generally hear more complaints about the amount of money bridesmaids and grooms- men have to spend on all the par- ties and their outfts. Ultimately, you have to choose what is best for you, but my advice is to not have a wed- ding party, or only pick people who will be extremely supportive. Never ask someone to be in your wedding out of a feeling of obligation; that just invites drama in! DEAR MAGGIE, I had been planning my proposal to my girlfriend for months. I spent lots of time, energy and, of course, money on making sure the surprise was perfect. She said, " Yes!" which felt like the grand fnale to all my planning, but to my surprise, it was only the beginning. Now all she wants to do is talk about wedding planning. I need a break from all the planning and the details, but she gets mad at me if I tell her I don't want to talk about the wedding. Don't I get a rest?! Sincerely, I Tought I Was Done DEAR I THOUGHT I WAS DONE, Sorry, man, the engagement is only the beginning to the planning mad- ness. Your fancé is so excited that she wants to jump into planning the wedding right away and she wants your help! Take this as a compli- ment. Not only does she want to spend the rest of her life with you, but she wants the day she marries you to be full of mutual decisions. Unfortunately, many men do not help in the wedding planning process. (As a wedding coordinator, I probably meet 25 percent of the grooms before the rehearsal.) Don't be one of them! Marriage is about making decisions together and so should your wedding. If you opted out on these major decisions, you will most likely not be asked your opinion on big decisions in the future. Your involvement sets the stage for what kind of relationship you'll have. If you are the kind of person who would rather have your fancée lead, or you have decided together that is the path you two will take for the wedding, then great! But, don't try to opt out of a day that is 50 percent yours! That being said, it is important that the wedding planning doesn't consume your relationship. Suggest that you have at least one date night a week where you don't talk about the wedding. 1-45 edit.indd 40 6/16/14 3:53 PM

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